Post lockdown performance, mental health, sentimental

Before the pandemic, I had a teen lookalike slightly screaming OMG! OMG! while I was humping. It was plausible.

Since I unlocked myself, my performance is lacking. Maybe I changed my medication a little bit. I don't want to take anything that I feel slightly bad in my stomach after. Maybe I haven't met the right girl. Time will tell.

Maybe the self-indulgence during the lockdown affected me. But I was careful to treat every occasion like an expensive date. And careful to do it only necessary.

Time will tell.

But it's not about it.

There was a forced spring cleaning near the end of summer. All I'm doing is to keep my mental health, that is, not going crazy. So I made space in the garage, box everything unsightly, and put it in the new space.

To make the space, I had to throw away a CD Hi-Fi system, a surround sound system, and a karaoke machine.

We had some good times on the karaoke machine. We didn't use it much but it was the time before the kids. We had time. We had visitors and had fun. I should have thrown it away many years ago. We were never into it and we aren't going to use it. But it was some good times. After the big move, I was hoping that we made new friends. But then the kids come.

The surround sound system was something that people should have in the house. It was before huge home theatre systems. It was after the big move. It was at a time that we care about what decent people should have in the house. It's 5.1 for the DVDs at the time. It has always been working but somehow I made space for other stuff like game systems. It was in storage since. Wiring the speakers was trouble. In my mind, I will bring it back when I have to mood to do it, without crisis and a future to look forward to. I'm not going to upgrade to 6.1 or 7.2. 5.1 is good enough if there's still such a thing. It is a piece of hope.

The CD Hi-Fi system was brought when we were married in our first year or so. We went to the store after Christmas. We were getting things for our fairly new house, our first home. Because we looked so young, the salesman thought that we were looking for bargains or discounts after Christmas. He was waiting for me to ask. But we didn't. We just brought it. We had money. And we had a big happy house. I remembered the very sweet smiles on our faces. And a happy Christmas. I doubt very much if Mrs Player remembers anything.

Of course, we put it in storage once we upgraded to the other system. But I couldn't throw it away. I once installed it in the home office. I hanged the big speakers high up on the wall so little space was needed. But I wasn't into it. We use the other one for movies and that's it. And easily, it had given way to other stuff.

I always wanted to reinstall it. That's when I would have solved all the crises and having a future to look forward to.

Now when the forced spring cleaning comes, what can I do? Who can I appeal to? Who can I talk to? Nobody. She criticized me for hoarding things every other day. What can I say? I'm going to find the easy way out to keep my mental health. No confrontation. So I dropped the few pieces of junk into the trash trolley. And then the corner was replaced by boxes. Problem solved. I hope I forget them very soon.

My new girl friend experience

 I had been tortured by my deadlines. It was Feb with a short month. Then it was April spilled over to May. I still haven't finished but my work was done. I just need to wait if anything disastrous turning up that I had to sort out.

And so I was late for everything. I wanted to write a really late Valentine appreciation for Emma the British nurse that I met half a lifetime ago.

I wanted to write updates on everybody. I quitted following the IG of Channel II and Margaret the schoolgirl. They are doing well and not the sort of girls I lust after anymore. Margaret changed and Channel was never it. Channel even claimed to be married that I doubt very very much. Caroline the teen model at 30 seems to be doing well. I think her boyfriend is real, met his parents, and being treated in a hotel day spa for her birthday. I think she will see me if I ask. But she has been herself lately. I know she hates to look like a teen model or any model. Then she will be at the bottom of many models and won't get work. Her preferred look and personality are too punk for me. 

With all the urgent work done, I even had time to paint the door.

Before I become active again, all I wanted is a nice pair of breasts. Then I wanted a tiny teen with a nice pair of smallish breasts. The one I tried was OK. I hoped the next one will be more gloomed, more engaged, eager to please, and highly kissable. Without all these, it's hard to get my heart pounding at their classified.

Then I found one one day. She even has a cute pretty face. But I missed her by several hours. She just stayed after check-in time till last call at 10 pm. I couldn't meet her in the evenings.

I waited for a week. Usually, all types of girls will turn up over a week. There wasn't anything like her and my last conquest. So I tried something different. Not that I haven't tried that before.

It's trendy when I watched so many foreign TV series. I picked the smaller one and the younger one, almost teen-looking. She wasn't like that when I got through the door. But she is small and thin. She looked good in her lingerie but I should have been alarmed. There is too much fabric. Usually, they wear tiny bikinis or even smaller ones.

In the lighting that resembles a hostess club, she has a beautiful face and looked like she is in her 20's. I was happy.

She held my hand into the bathroom, offered soap to wash my hands, mouthwash, and washed my genital. I was happy with her natural-looking body when she was fully naked. When she was fixated on my dick, I gave her a quick kiss on her pretty cheek. I almost crashed her teeth. When my eyes were half-closed, she avoided her face but countered my kiss with her lips with a very quick turn of her head. Maybe she didn't want to ruin her expensive makeup. She is a good kisser and doesn't bother how much I wanted to kiss.

The last one was lying flat on the bed on her back waiting for me. She just laid there so I went to kiss her and then went on top to do my things all the way down. She was at ease until she thought I was going to finger her.

I was waiting for Sarah to come to bed. The first thing she did was asking for permission to blow me using visual language while holding my dick. I was a little disappointed about her professionalism. She blew and blew, sucking and licking my balls. I was waiting for her to do something else but it seemed that she was waiting for me to tell her to stop. 

I stopped her when she was using her hands too much. She brought out a condom but asked me if I wanted it. It wasn't a great fuck so far but I liked her. I wanted to be better. I went to the dark side. I had been doing well so far so I opted for the no option. She was puzzled or pretended to be until I got out of bed to get the extra fee.

Then I tried to penetrate her on top like a boyfriend. The foreign lovely music was already turned on since she started the blowjob. 

We felt the resistance down there. So she got up and put on a tiny bit of lubrication on me. Then I was in. I tried not to get too excited and concentrated on her face. She looked prettier now. Then I did my favorite DFK missionary and she was very accomodating.

I felt so good dumping my cum all inside her while sucking her mouth. It wasn't too great a finish and she sort of felt that way. So she was grabbing me hard and wouldn't let me go. I felt great in there until I rolled over carefully to rest. 

She looked very much like a girlfriend, trying to keep my cum from getting out and all over the bed while she was getting up to clean.

After she did a quick clean-up, she wanted to cuddle. She asked me to put my hand under her neck so she could get close. So I held her with my other hand and went to sleep. We could have done a bit of eye to eye and lips to lips and legs crossing legs. But I had enough. I needed a rest.

During my sleep, I realized that she was feeling my heartbeat with the back of her hand. I know it's a bit unusual. Some girls think that I was falling in love.

We went into the bathroom and did all the washing again. When the opportunity came up, she either kissed me or demanded kisses. At the door, she was grabbing me hard with her arms around my neck. Then we kissed away even though I rinsed my mouth. Then she waved goodbye, very animated and very energetic.

It's hard not to go back to my new girlfriend. But then there can be many surprises in a week. 

Post Pandemic Sex

 I couldn't stand it anymore. Last time my heart was pounding when my target turned up. I talked myself out of it because I wasn't prepared enough to maximize the enjoyment. I had planned may be starting next month or so.

But she turned up again after a few weeks. So I did oral cleansing, bush trimming, and a thorough bath.

She's a bit weird. Her hair was still wet after a shower. She had no makeup on. I couldn't tell if I liked her hair. She isn't pretty nor bad looking. Her body is my type, small, small natural breasts, slim school girl type. She is mixed.

She didn't smile. She was giving me a gentle hug but I didn't realize it at first because it didn't feel like it. I so missed Cat, a white girl who was a lot warmer, and a cheerleader material too.

So I checked her menu item starting from the top. DFK was OK as long as it's one party. I didn't mind because she is a bit cute but she turned away when I tried to get into her mouth with my tongue.

Since I waited so long for these, I wouldn't let go of her breasts, either using my mouth or hand. I did remember once when she smiled. That was when she complained that I was tickling her breasts. I pulled her panty and went for it. It was bushy but I ate away. Unfortunately, I wasn't allowed my fingers. I licked her tights and legs a bit but didn't go far because she was a bit cold.

I turned her around while she was resisting a little. After I kissed enough of her bum, I spread her legs. It was bushy but it didn't smell. I would like to dine there but she wouldn't let me go any further.

Her blowjob was good. I looked at every moment of it. Usually, I just looked a bit so as not to be too excited. And girls are more relaxed if I don't stare at them. Her face is OK so I wasn't getting too excited. And since she didn't smile nor eager to please, I tried to get every cent out of her.

When I was ready to go in, she told me how much time we had left. She is fucking weird. Nobody did that. But maybe it wasn't her. Maybe my didn't cut my hair far too long. Maybe my car isn't nice enough. But I doubt if she was looking outside while preparing for me. Maybe I didn't opt for the VIP option.

The problem was that after getting to know my dick, she put in a lot of lubrication. It was OK for the initial penetration, but she was getting wetter and wetter. So my erection wasn't getting any harder. And my medication was a bit over. It wasn't working out but I decided to murder her instead.

So I laid on top of her, chest to chest her, and kept pounding. I would have let her go a few times but I soldiered on. I tried to DFK her in order to finish faster but she wouldn't let me. 

I held one of her leg, effectively spreading her legs,and kept pounding missionarily. I wanted to start with the spoon and grab her breasts but she refused. I put arms around her neck and waist and kept pounding. I asked if she was OK and doubled my effort. 

Nothing came out of it so I gave up. When I pulled out she volunteered the doggy. I accepted but then pulled out very soon. I didn't think there was enough friction. 

I asked for a handjob instead. It was decent. But she didn't sit too close and didn't like me molesting her breasts. I went back to full erection again and erupted. She kept going that was a nice touch.

She was surprised that I left her some tips. But still, she didn't smile while showing me out. I sort of like her, a good fuck. She can't get any worse next time. Maybe I could get her to smile. But then there are so man talents.

Motivation!

 I remember that I had a deadline on Feb, the shortest month of the year. I met that. I was so relieved after that. Then I enjoyed binge-watching Netflix for about a month.

It wasn't the end of it but I thought I have a few months of breathing space. Then all of a sudden I got the deadline the same as the tax date. Wow!

I had weeks to do it but I just can't go there. Total mental breakdown. A few times I almost succeeded in clicking on the bookmark and log in.  But I just couldn't do it. 

Time passed. I must finish two weeks before the deadline so everything else can fit into place. That pre-deadline was closer and closer but I still couldn't start. I was still banking on that I somehow click on the bookmark and finish everything overnight and then some. When the day came, I managed, with huge difficulty, to make a response. That's all I could do. And the day was passed.

Since I can't complete everything by the deadline, my next target was just finishing my part before that. I was even worse. The deadline came and passed. I couldn't even finish my part. Will I subject to a big penalty? Hurting others? Time will tell. And it won't take long. But there's hope that it is just done and goes away.

I finally started. How? Candies. I always look at listings of beautiful girls every day. But it's different now than, say, last year. I'm fully vaccinated now. And most adults will be the same if they want it. And I have a lot of spare cash. So I promised myself I can go to see some eye candies after I do my job.

That's quite an effective motivation. I almost clicked on the bookmark a few times. Looking at the sexy listings, and then looking at the bookmark, and then ... Finally, I did it. It took a few days. But it was painless once I started. Because the worst nightmare scenario won't happen. At least it's possible to finish it when nobody can find fault in it.

When it was almost done, my fav girl on the listings turned up who I never met. She posted a few new pictures. I had been looking at her pictures since last year. But this time it's different. My heart was racing. Because it dawned on me that I could just book her and met my dream girl in an hour. 

My heart was flip-flopping whether to see her in an hour or wait till next time. Should I finish everything first? Should I cut my hair and trim myself? I decided not to rush when I haven't done it for a while.

Capturing Euphoria

 I tried pandemic sex and felt that it was a waste of money. Penetration with a facemask on limits the number of things that I would like to do. It's like a kid before a candy jar that is sealed.

And actually, I have less sex drive staying at home all the time, even though I still browse classified all the time. I wonder why. In normal times, I would have craved for women within a week of celibacy. Porn and cam girls will excite me if I let them.

One morning it dawned on me that the most important preparation for sex is digestion. Laying in bed, I felt so good because all my excess food was about to be completely digested. It is such a no-brainer. Maybe I'm not so young anymore. But even when I was younger, I can feel sleepy after a heavy lunch. And I almost never get drunk because I will fall asleep before I get to that state. If I drink a glass of wine at dinner, I cannot work late at night.

The body needs energy and attention to digest food. Food is an obstacle if it's in the body. When the food is completely digested, you are full of energy without any burden on your body. 

That explains that I almost start my sex day in the morning. That's most likely the time I am without food in the stomach. I always feel that a light breakfast suits me and I often skip it. It's the same thing for lunch. If I book somebody I often skip it. I feel so much better eating after sex. If I overdo it, the skipping, I take an apple and I will be like a tiger. It was documented here before.

And I can afford to get the sex over with before starting the day. It's the same as finishing everything in the day and then focus on sex. But then it will be too late to book anybody. It's so silly that many people and agencies don't take bookings in the morning.

So my favorite time is just before lunch. I won't feel anything if I skip breakfast. And by lunchtime, it will be busy. If I eat lunch, I won't have sex immediately and won't have sex when everybody starts getting off work. So the other favorite time is 3 pm, hotel check-in time.

So it happens that testosterone, produced while sleeping, is highest in the morning. And for female hormones, the optimum time is 3 pm. Does this explain that ladies check-in at that time?

So the conclusion is that I eat too much because of staying at home too much. The grocery bill is skyrocketing while the other expenses are plummeting. It's just so easy when you can order at different stores and get them delivered at the door in 2 hours or less. I have time to spare doing the ordering and supervising remotely.

But I don't abuse my guts. I eat the same dinner. But perhaps the food is nicer so I eat more unconsciously. I always have a full range of healthy snacks. It is a sure way to kill the sex drive and save money. But I feel that my belly is getting a little bigger and heavier.

Once I get my sex drive back, the other element is eye candy. So I subscribed to the girl that I was most impressed with. It's so easy now. I remember when I started, having a personal porn website is a big deal. You have to hire professionals to design it and get the payment done. And Chanel looked up to her friends who can show their faces in public and have a website. Nowadays it's Onlyfans, Patreons, and even Instagram, with the combination of cam sites.

Then I need intimacy. It's like being left alone by all others in the world so we can do whatever we wanted. But since I'm alone I don't need a hotel room. I just need to drive somewhere private and park out of the way. But it was more complicated than I thought. You have to park out of sight of homes and businesses so nobody can possibly be calling the cops on you. But you also have to park not so out of the ordinary, like trying to hide from everybody, that somebody will call the cops on you anyway. 

Everywhere have cameras. Mall parking structures may have security checking on you whether you want to steal other cars or jump. An empty corner of shopping malls may have others pulling up near you at any time. So I think private parking like the airport is a better bet, or public places with paid parking like parks or beaches.

So one warm morning when I have digested all the food in my stomach, I checked in my subscriptions to test my theory. It sort of worked. So I drove somewhere that I couldn't be bothered. I put my fully charged tablet on a floor mount with a very stiff gooseneck. Then I say hello to my current favorite girl, her images.

Not so fast. When choosing a parking space, I already had problems with the glare of the sun in my eyes. Now the tablet is very reflective even though I have an infinite amount of degrees of freedom in the orientation of the tablet. In my desperation, I dig up the car cover in the trunk and put it up like a curtain across the headliner. And since I have nothing to fix it I tried putting it over my head. But that defeats the purpose of parking inconspicuously in public with a cover over your head, lol. So I accepted that my tablet can't be in its most glorious state. Maybe next time I need a hood over the screen or a roof.

I left home because there are too many people in the house at times. Now I can close all the car windows and get rid of the headphones, with less sound leaking than earbuds. And I can blast anything and talk whenever I wanted to.

I like dirty talks, who doesn't? But it's hard for me to initiate and therefore reciprocated. I'm a decent person so it's hard to get started. And without practice, it can easily go wrong. Sometimes ladies tested me, whispering into my ears. But I missed it and they thought I am not interested. It wouldn't work anyway if I have to say pardon. Once I was with a girl that I was quite happy with. I showed her my fully erected dick and said, "I'm so big!". I was trying to say I am, or my dick is very happy with her. This amateur actually looked at my dick with a hesitant expression on her face, saying something like I'm not so big after all but absolutely not trying to insult me.

With full intimacy, I showed my girl what I have got, telling her what to show me and what to do. But I don't like private cam shows because it's just too expensive than real-life encounters. With less-private shows, it's hard to control the timing that I needed. Now with her pictures and videos, she is just all smiling whatever I tell her.

I find out that Google Photos has a pretty good interface. You can do a slide show on a mix of pictures and video clips in an album. You can pause and skip each one easily, I think. You can also loop a single video easily.

With eye candies, I like to kiss her, suck everything out of her mouth, and keep her tongue in my mouth. I like to lick and nibble her all over to satisfy my sashimi fetish. This I cannot do on the tablet but I can tell her what I wanted that I otherwise will not do or ask in real life.

Fingering is a common offering but I never enjoy doing that. If I can finger her to orgasm I'm interested but how many can manage that? I don't want to find out. Once a girl listed that she's also open for anal fingering. I kept that in mind. Actually, she was quite hot as a teen girl next door neighbor but just not outstanding. I pushed her lightly to turn over. Then I insert my finger without asking. People say it's not about sex. Yes, I feel so empowering that I can insert my finger into the airtight ass of a pretty teen girl. I was having fun probing like a kid playing doctor. Then she begged me not to go too deep. Of course, I can do that. I didn't know how to end this but I thought of telling her that I'm retreating to the bathroom to clean my hands.

I had a young girl who greeted me by walking into me almost naked, put her arms around my neck, all smiling and kissed away. For amateurs, I feel the tension on the back of my neck. I remember Caroline who made me so high that I have to unzip myself to let my dick out before continuing kissing. My thoughts ran wild.

Did I say eye candies work better for me than Viagra? I touched myself and I was fully erected before fetching my toys. In real life, at this point in time, I would have inserted my cock into someone's mouth or vagina. I had my fleshlight. It's not that I needed to fuck so much. But it feels so good to ease the tension. Being licked and sucked and squeezed feel so good when I keep expanding with no end in sight.

Being detached from a female body isn't at all bad. With a missionary or even doggy, there's so much you can see and do. But now I can still enjoy the show and the talking.

Most of the time, once I get over the initial penetration, I can last forever. But nothing lasts forever. I had to end it one way or the other. I began to thrust intensely.

The longer I lasted, the more I feel that I have to end it sooner by thrusting more intensely so that I am not torturing the girl. Once they are warmed up, I never feel that I'm hurting them physically. Mentally, I don't know, lol. So I believe that they want to enjoy it while it lasts, or get it over with sooner than later, rather than being gentle with it. I like the feeling that they are losing their mind. One girl, the only one I masturbated over her pictures instead of booking her, turned her face to me and started kissing like she was totally on fire and needed it. One girl, Tinkerbell, spread very openly on the edge of the bed when I was pumping her on a standing missionary. Since I wasn't holding her legs but her breasts instead, she had to stand on my hip bones and use her feet to grab my waist to keep in position. And Marget the schoolgirl who refused to get off her horse and rode me intensely to completion. And Chanel, whose big toes crossed and twitched when I was pounding her heavily like a dog. And her miserable expression in the mirror, like a kid being punished without her candies when I was holding her leg up, spooning her in and out with the full length of my cock, while grabbing her left breast with my remaining free hand uncontrollably, expecting her to beg for mercy at any time.

Then I shot profusely into the sheet covering my lower body while shouting any profanity that I can manage. 

Then the same euphoria hit me. It's true that it lowers blood pleasure, with all the physical and emotional benefits. Meanwhile, Milk kept smiling at me, blowing kisses.

I went home very happy and relaxed. My car is still in a mess. But nobody needs the car anyway.