Goodbye, my favorite spy

Sean died at 90, along with part of my life. It's very likely that his movies are the first that I watched. I used to think that I watched every Bond movie in the cinema, except Doctor No, through Roger Moore and then some, including Sean's unofficial Bond movie, Never say never again.

My dad maybe took me once and I'm sure my big brother took me the rest until I went myself. I blame the bond movies for my lust for women. The movies aren't suitable for children although there was nothing explicit. What's the point of watching all these impossibly beautiful bond girls in minimal costume when I wasn't old enough to date for a long long time to come?

And I have too high an expectation of woman. Good girls hit me left and right but I settle for waiting if they don't capture my attention like the bond girls. So I ended up waiting and waiting, waiting to be successful and rich.

I never thought about it before but the most memorable bond girl to me is the Japanese girl in You only live twice. I was so upset when she died that I didn't even remember who took her place in the second half of the movie. Maybe she has something to do with my personality development.

Sean is simply handsome. He is more of the classic lead in the same class as Humphrey Bogard. I watched Roger before he became Bond so I feel that he is a bit of a comedian rather than humor, relatively speaking.

There is always these talk of quitting despite being paid an absurd amount of money so the franchise can carry on. The reason for quitting is always trying to do something else. First, I doubt a lot of cases. Maybe quitting while the going is still good rather than wait till the bitter end. Maybe failed contract negotiation.

Is this a sign of underachievement? Many people will take it easy when they get to the point that they never have to work again to maintain their comfortable life. Steve Jobs, Bezos, Mark, Musk are the exceptions.

What Steve has anything to prove when iPhones conquered the world? People won't remember him soon and when Apple declines nobody will remember him. Do you even remember Nokia? But in his case, he does have something to fight for, to put down Bill Gates. Steve lost out to Bill in PCs. He lost Apple too but came back to win everything, the most valuable company. People worship Steve but hate Bill.

What else is the driving force? If Steve stays on the stock price of Apple will be stable and rising. But you can't carry money into your grave. His widow and kids have lifetimes of money to spend already.

Musk is an oddball. He really wants to be in the history books.

Bezos seems to be holding steady no matter what others say, wouldn't settle until world domination. He is amazing when I joined Amazon just after it moved on from selling books on a website. Maybe he felt people look down on him not being a tech company and he's not a Silicon Valley founder like the rest. Maybe that drives him.

In Sean's case, he earned enough money over the years, every woman wants him. He's not going to build an empire or enter the history books. Why not quitting as an icon and do something more interesting or enjoy life?

People say that it's hard to get ahead putting you in a big house and a big salary. A beautiful wife and lovely kids make it worse. And this is what companies do to keep people instead of having competitors. 

I had those moments and I don't regret it. You can see the difference when kids growing up with people around them looking up to their dad.

I missed those years but I ain't doing too badly at all. I'm in the same big house. I still manage to have passionate sex with teens with flawless bodies. Those are only safe bets and I have many other interests.

Well, not exactly flawless since I'm not rich. I always think that Kat only did it for the winter break and won't be back after Christmas. I was wrong. She seemed to have big plans but quitted soon after the pandemic started. She is a pretty senior schoolgirl. Totally beautiful in the raw but gorgeous with full makeup on. I always love her smallish tits. I went nuts when she had the tits erection when I licked her. Her only flaw maybe her legs. There's nothing wrong and she is totally proportional all the times I saw her naked. Perhaps when she stands shoulder to shoulder against a model, her legs may look inferior because of the length. But who cares! I never went that far down!

Tits and Activitism

 Tits and Sass look depressing. When it was new it was all that. A wide spectrum of sex workers, intellectual founders, vocal with a purpose. Now there were no new posts for a couple of months. You can blame it on Covid19 but it's not much better last year.

In its hay days, I can see several problems. No pornstars think that they are sex workers. Strippers who are legal shouldn't be counted. It just doesn't fit well together.

The lifespan of a sex worker is short. Countless girls work several weeks, 10K each, to pay off their credit cards and other loans fast. Then they went back to their old life or start a new one. Plenty of girls work a season or two when nobody books them anymore, being forced to retire. For attractive and well educated, they have other options. So how do you find educated editors to pass the baton once a year?

It's the same thing. How can you find enough educated activists to contribute?

In its hay days, legalization was a possibility, at least a path was possible. 4 years of Trump gave us the anti-trafficking laws making public discussion on sex workers an impossibility. You can't control what posters post but you are responsible for it. Even the die-hard activists would have been devastated.

And who is not devastated by the virus? The social distance is negative and you often have to exchange body fluid if only due to DFK. My goto site seems to be business as usual but how bad is business? Very, I suppose. In the best of days, I often don't feel getting my money's worth. For example, her pictures are a bit off, or my cock doesn't burst my zippers. This is worse than aids in limiting what we do.

I happened to know 3 of my ATF's 5 years each. Chanel is the 1st. I met Chanel II and Margaret the schoolgirl about the same time because Margaret hooked us up. They all have the ability to stay top dogs for all the years without offering nasty things that won't last. I don't see how Tits and Sass can support "permanent" staff. My girls have plenty of things to worry about other than being an activist.

Chanel could have married a rich husband. Margaret retired. She moved into a nice apartment and appreciating her simple good life, eating well and working hard at the gym. She never liked herself. I'm so fond of her because of her perfect schoolgirl body. I can overlook her perfect makeup as long as she makes herself beautiful. She seems to like herself after the transformation but I don't fancy her plastic surgeries and the new makeups. She is now more like a full-body stripper on route to be a bodybuilder if she wants to. I miss the old her so much. I didn't think she could last long after retiring but she seems to be doing very well.

Chanel II has a second home on the east coast. Very porsche. The virus doesn't seem to impact her that much. She continued to shop once the malls are reopened. She seems to be busy with her boyfriend and I don't know if she's doing regular business. She's like a catwalk model with long legs. She isn't that beautiful so I don't know how she has been doing well so far. She isn't that bright either. But maybe she is; she fooled me until I found her Instagram. But maybe she is. Her high school classmates go to ivy leagues and she drops out from one of the top colleges. But maybe she isn't because she told me all that. But I worry about her if she spends like that. I'm sure she has a lot of money saved and put to good use. But the obsession worries me when you fuck people for as low as a few hundred. Although if you want to hire somebody expensive that blows the rest away with her wardrobe alone, she will worth every cent.

Mentalist

 As I have told you, my current binge-watch is Mentalist. It is surprisingly easy to watch. I like it even though all the women are not my type.

I feel lucky when I watched the episode with a coroner. He still has the energy to pick fights but in fact, he was dying of some sickness and old age. He was living alone. He could have retired. He had nobody close to ask for help but Jane, asking him to witness him dying so he won't be autopsied. Once Jane agreed to it they just went ahead, didn't need to tell anybody else, didn't need to say goodbye. It was sad.

Maybe he was in my mind or maybe not. Later, for a very brief moment, I thought of the question, "what have I done?" That means for all my life I have no achievement to show for. But only for a brief moment.

My dad is far from rich but I had an easy life. He wanted me to be a doctor but I just gave up the chance early on. Not interested. I always had the answer. I can get by easily. If I want something very badly I will be very disappointed if I don't get it. That is very Buddhist. I'm always the underachiever since elementary school. I have no role model. My dad is successful but he is a blue-collar entrepreneur combination. He wouldn't how to push me if he wanted.

For the prime of my life, I was going places, had a good job that I liked. My family is proud of me. The rest envy me. I regret that I didn't take all the chances to grab the money and power to stay where I was. But being the underachiever that I am, I might have tried harder but it is not my thing. I want to do it differently but probably not by a lot. Just that if I had more money and power I would have been struggling less.

We are holding up quite well. Some work dried up because of the pandemic but other work expanded virtually. Everybody is doing well in prison, unlike somebody who went crazy.

I always say that I am ready to go because I don't have deep regrets and I am not desperate to do anything more. It is just hard to say goodbye to everything. I had a decent life. I always feel bad for kids who get the short straw being born, feeling hungry, no prospect of a better life.

Look at the very successful people like Bezo. People forget Myspace when Facebook comes out. I do have some contribution to civilization that may survive quantum entanglement. And look at what he is fucking. I'm just not interested in her. I would have more joy fucking most of the women I encountered.

And look at the iconic Phoebe Cates. I understand why she wouldn't want to come out more and attend reunions. It is just so demoralizing when we see her now. It's better for her to hide and keep the iconic image forever in our brains.

The 2nd last girl I saw was a blonde version of her in her teens. Perfect in every way. With the help of tasteful makeup. Do I worry about how I looked? No. The goodbye kiss was even convincing. We weren't kissing enough so I sat close to her asking for it without saying or doing anything. I just talked with my eyes, "you are beautiful!". She gave me a big smile, no hesitation to receive my lips, and kiss away until I had enough.

I had an easy life.