Tell me how to win your heart

Cause I wonder where you are
And I wonder what you do
Are you somewhere feeling lonely, or is someone loving you?
Tell me how to win your heart
For I haven't got a clue

It strikes me as the exact feeling for me when I met someone that I care about but didn't book her that day.

Winning her heart has very different meanings in this industry. It took me a year on and off with Chanel before I got her private number. The rest is history. But I could have booked her at her rack rate for a few more times to make things easier, or perhaps not.

Chanel II seems to be easy because she thinks her friend Margaret hooked us up. We bonded the first time and we talked a lot. She even texted Margaret when we were naked on the bed after sex. But she always appears when I am broke. I saw her once and only once.

I know Margaret is difficult. We had a good start but it took me a lot of time go through all the auditioning to go back for her. And at her prime, she didn't care about my spending level. Finally, when I got somewhere, the place she frequented got shut down. And I was broke, went hiding in a cave instead.

When I rediscovered her again recently, her enthusiasm surprised me. But that wasn't consistent. She almost reverted to her old self. And I didn't move forward. I don't know how long I can afford to see her regularly.

And just when I suspect that every time I see her, it may be the last. All of a sudden she mentioned about church, grama, rent. I know I won her heart. She wants some arrangements and some commitments. Of course I couldn't take that up. Fortunately she was not obvious, thinking that we have plenty of time to set something up. But sooner or later, I have to disappear at least for a few months. That might take us back to the first time we met. But she looked good!

I almost freaked out when Caroline posted on IG soon after my last blog about her. I thought she was trolling me. On closer examination, she may not be. She was just doing some minor cosmetic enhancement.

I'm happy for her that she has the money to do so. Or maybe it's a free endorsement. It's all good either way.

Now I'm as confused as ever. Model shoots? OK. For clients, I don't think posting before and after and in between pictures or stories make sense, particularly the before ones and the in-between ones. Impress your buddies? Fine, but they don't comment that much. But the endorsement probably works. If you have just hundreds of followers, some of them are bound to have the same issues and are likely to try it. The new business generated will worth the free treatment. But she could have lost one or two clients. I don't think she is active escorting these days.

See you in 18 years!

It seems like only yesterday when I was at the changing table - for diapers. I was settling into my new role with a newborn haphazardly. It dawned on me that my dream of running away with the love of my life was gone, if I ever manage to find one. She doesn't need to be the love of my life, but maybe a gorgeous woman who likes me for what I am, income, looks and everything else. The dream wasn't dead, but it had to be put away for at least 18 years.

And I was so lucky that it was perhaps the only worry!

The phrase "see you in 18 years" has a new meaning when you have a newborn. If I can't get justice against you, I will send my kid after you, in 18 years' time. He/she will be well trained, well-educated, and a legal, lethal weapon targeted at your demise.

I see it coming but didn't feel it, until now. First, the public examins, the relaxation, the college visits, and the farewell social activities. Now that she's gone, I almost choked up at the little things in her room that reminded me of what I did for her.

It could have been so much better for her if I were more successful. If I could fight harder to spend more time in her upbringing. She could have been accepted in the top universities, with a big scholarship, in a sorted after field, ending up in a high paying job. Yes, I've been there except for the top part. But since then I am certified smart with all the public documents to show for.

But all is not lost. She isn't there but not far away. And she has all the opportunities in the world.

I'm afraid she wouldn't remember the little things I did for her, hanging up the baby things, window tinting, and making custom DVD's with custom designed/copied labels and case. Indeed, she has a good life better than her siblings - everything is organic. She has all the big birthday parties like any other child in the neighborhood. And she was very proud of her dad until she was in school, when the family fortune goes downhill.

I wish I could have done a lot more. But I shouldn't be sad. She lived in one of the safest cities in the nation, but with the convenience of nearing major urban/cultural/business centers. She spent all her life so far in her own room, a single family house with a big yard in the suburbs, managed by a menacing HOA.

Well, maybe not a iPhone that many of her friends have since middle school. But that's one of the things that I didn't mess her up.

I never worry about being alone when all my kids are gone. But now I'm afraid of all the memories if they don't end up well. It will be a life of regret of not doing enough.

Oh yes, compared to other teens and young women that I met, my kid should be very happy.

I don't think escorts are necessarily miserable. I have done enough of hanging out, shopping, wine and dine. The money is good and they worry about what car should they drive. When they are not happy with you, they just lie there so you have to give them more incentive next time. But when they are happy, they will give you a surprise kiss, the tongue or anything else.

Like Margaret, the pretty schoolgirl, who must be over 21 now, after a few years still can't stop responding to music when I was holding her naked body to body while napping after sex. She is still struggling to get me talking.

Of course, not everybody lives with their mothers and hooks up for pocket money for luxury things. Some pay for college themselves. Some just need the money.

It's hard to keep a big dark secret that you can't tell anyone. It's hard for me but I do enjoy what I do, unlike many of them. And there are no friends in the business. I think Margaret still regret mentioning Chanel 2, who thought Margaret introduced her to me and texted Margaret when we were in bed. I haven't seen them both for a while since then and they may be blaming each other.

And when I have the money, I can only pick one - she who kisses me a lot and with tongue. I thought Chanel 2 has more potential but when I met Margaret again she didn't give anyone else any chance.

One more thing, my happy reserve is officially completely depleted. That gave me so much fond memories and carried me over crisis after crisis. But I'm also sad, not that I can't carry on bonking as much as I like. You never know what tomorrow will bring. I still feel the same when I was at the changing table, except that my eyesights are a little poorer, with a little beer belly, and a little love handle. But I don't lose a single hair after washing and they stop turning white.

Just the other day I went into the grocery bank with my tees and shorts. Did you ever see a teller making a mistake? I have seen him a few times and he still seems nervous. He got the number wrong. He is far from handsome and I think he is gay.

I am sad because I could have done better with the money, like investments. But I just don't have extra physical and mental energy to deal with anything not the most necessary. I'm lucky just to stay sane.

Keeping up appearances

Caroline is always the type of girl I wanted, having the body of a teen model without the need to babysit her. Her public age is mid-twenties but she can be easily over thirty.

When I saw her face, face to face, I was stunned.  What influenced me on the side was that she was in two tiny pieces of lingerie. She is tall but she can be one of those skinny cheerleaders straight out of school practice. Yet, she is more refined and stylish with her blonde short hair. Indeed, she is a model; there are many types.

Once she posted a picture that must have been taken many years ago. I thought it was recent until I know her better. I thought I had been fucking the girl in the picture after the fact. She has the same body type but she is a lot cuter then. The trouble is, she is still rather cute at most angles so I didn't realize at first.

Being an all American white blonde girl, I thought she might be a bit cold or distance. Girls like that don't need to do much. The main reason I picked her because someone, who is impressed by me obviously, recommended her to me at the last of a passionate list. I still don't know if that means she is the oldest or the most passionate or the least GFE or the most expensive.

Since the first time we met, she clings onto me like a plastic film, with unlimited passionate kisses. Is that perfect or what? That's why I requested her the next week after we first met. I had no idea that she is available at her own house any time when she is not doing something else. I had been seeing her month after month until my budget ran out.

She doesn't say no, but I'm not picky. She enjoyed being eaten, all positions. I can be rough to her but it was me who always stopped before it could be uncomfortable to her. I don't want our relationship turning into something else, lol. She tried hard to cum every time or at least getting into the mood. I feel so much like a VIP. For the cons, yes she does have negatives, she doesn't like tongue. When I admired her starfish she moaned but I felt that she was uncomfortable other times. And she is uncomfortable when I play with her feet. She had been a waitress, a classy one though, living rough, and saving on pedicures.

One day, when she was riding on top of me like a cowgirl, I realized that she was not as pretty as I thought. I am not saying that she is a beauty queen or she can challenge me face to face like Channel without makeup on. She doesn't seem to use much makeup but she is the type of pretty girl you see everywhere, fashion shows, car shows, commercials.

Her nose is a bit big from my angle looking up. And later I understand why some of her pictures look so gorgeous and others disasters. She has deep blue eyes if enhanced, perfect oval face and enough cheekbones to look perfect, looking straight into the camera. On her side profile, her nose sticks out and without salon treatment on her hair, she looks so much older than a teen model.

Of course, I don't mind her nose that much, she is always pretty to me. But for a model and an inspiring IG model, she obviously needs a nose job, or she already had a bad one.

I really don't know what to make of her IG account. Certainly, it's not for hooking up like many professional escort accounts. But perhaps it is. It makes no sense unless it's her way to connect with her clients, keeping them updates on her endeavors and reminding them of her without trying too hard. With a hundred likes for a good update, I feel that she has been talking to me. Or maybe she has a few clients like me, promising to be discrete, clicking on the heart only.

When I first got her account, it seems to be more for family and friends. I know she doesn't have much and for what she has they are not the type to follow her IG accounts. There are pictures of the classmates of her unfinished degree. The rare appearance of her boyfriend who seems to be just happened to be in the picture. Maybe she doesn't want to appear single for years. Her dog, her cat and her mother!

But then I saw more and more professional model pictures. But they are taken mostly previously. Now she actually has some new photoshoot and behaving more like other IG models and social influencers.

Others have cute kids; she has her mother and baby sister who doesn't show her face. They aren't the type who would have an IG account. Other have cute pets; she has her cat looking exactly like any cat in her Hollywood neighborhood, the wrong side. Others have regular selfie updates; she is struggling to post one every week. By struggling I mean she took the time to do some makeup but not the hair. I know she knows not to stress her hair too much. But she doesn't look good with her short hair tied up.

Others venture to exotic places, live in exuberance hotels, go around in luxury cars or yachts. She doesn't even show the inside of the home she lived in for years, except for the good corner of her bed; there's no bedroom as such. The bathroom sink is tiny, the bathtub sucks and the kitchen is for clothes. But finally, she realized that her exterior is avant-garde - a distressed door, falling paint on the cracked wall, weed grows up the broken concrete ground, abandoned compound. She doesn't need to hunt for backgrounds. She just needs to walk out, and maybe a bit to the backside of her house. I laughed at her stylish pictures when I realized where they could have been taken.

She went with one photographer who bothered to venture into the nearest torching desert valley. He asked her to wear a leather bikini. Her tits were almost fried.

Now most IG models should stay off IG and the same for most IG photographers. Now if you can make girls look beautiful, girls will hunt for you. They let you into their houses. They will get naked whenever you want. They will post and wear whatever and however you like. Now if you think your work is too good to be free, girls will pay you with whatever they have. It's no big deal. I always wonder how many times Caroline barter for her rent, her photographs and grocery for that matter.

If you don't have a fancy lifestyle to post, you can't be a social influencer. If you can't post pretty pictures, your model inspiration is dead. You don't even have anything to boast about. Leave it. So girls are constantly looking for photographers to keep their dreams alive, or just to say I'm a model and you aren't. If the best photographers aren't interested, you can always go for the next tier, and the next. So you can always see IG pictures of all body types and shapes, even with tattoos and piercings all over. And if you don't have an impressive camera or impressive portfolio, you can't be a chooser.

I enjoy Caroline's pictures. Her pictures from professional work, that is, paid, is good. Her selfies not bad because she is a hip, trendy girl. Her nudes, not so much. I think the photographer for her escort classified is good. He knows what men want and what to hide. Caroline's borderline eating disorder is a challenge to shoot. Her tits, even hidden, don't come out appetizing, as opposed to real life. Her legs are perfect for shorts like a schoolgirl but come out too thin. OK, maybe I'm jealous of those 2nd rate photographers, lol.

She still seems to be following her dreams passionately. I did saw her tears but maybe it's just a temporarily upset or having a bad client. Maybe she doesn't have anything to show for if she returns home. Maybe she can afford to; there's the minimal overhead of her existence I hope. But if I were her I would escort full time to grab some money while she can. And finish her degree if she chooses to. Or maybe she had done enough escorting already.

If you are reading this, I enjoy your IG posts. Although I can't comment, I like to know what my dear "friends" are up to, happy days or not so much, especially those I like and have a sexual relationship. I like to see your apartment complex and your cat. And your family is my "family". Though your mom could be a little bit more comfortable on cam.

Now the front page of the internet is a funny place. It is just a place to reinforce group thinking. There's no meaningful discussion. I was blasted for thinking that escorting is miserable. Women are up in arms for tarnishing their image. One gave up a tough to get degree and a six-figure salary to be an escort full time.

I don't think escorting is miserable as such. But everyone has a story and I got to read many. I just don't think that one will pick escorting if you have plenty of other options. Maybe if you are so successful that you can pick your clients and every one of them is tolerable. It would be very different when you are in your prime as opposed to when you are over 40.

I have so many real stories to myself. There's no real happy ending so far. A girl may be all that but she can't do much. She has to settle whatever she can get. Is that miserable or what? That's Chanel when she started. The best ending maybe those drop-dead gorgeous Asian women over 40 opening massage parlors, printing money without using their own hands on anybody any more. Chanel could have been like that only if her upbringing wasn't discreet. She could do porn or strip or go all out escorting with her face all over. At the end, she married for money that she would not have given other better options.

I don't know why those women were blasting me for. Their own people post miserable stories from time to time. One was on the brink of being homeless since she lost all her clients since BP closed - all familiar stories. One has been getting over a thousand on the very few days she works every week even when she is hitting 40. Once she was forced to quit she was washing toilets for minimum wage. I would think getting someone to pay your bills or student loans isn't that bad a deal, be it husband or boyfriend. And you can quit anytime. Is it better than fishing for clients all the time?

She lights my fire

In my dreams
I searched for her a thousand times
But when I turn my head in the fog
She is right there under the neon lights

Since my ATF Kali got married, I have been looking for a replacement. Margaret is the first one that meets my eyes of all the auditioning. They both started at 19, both believable because I follow them for years. Margaret is a pretty girl with a flawless body. I tried to work my magic on her but eventually, I gave up because she wasn't big on kissing.
It was the same with Kali, absolutely no kissing. But one day, she gave me a mint, and the rest is history. She is the gas station of my life force. I am recharging every time I deep kiss her.

Eventually, I lost track of Margaret. She turned up less and less because of dwindling interest. The last time I thought of her was when she deleted her profile. It is the same old story, but still sad.

Fast forward a couple of years, I have been spending my money on this IG model Cara with blonde hair, blue eyes. She can be 30 but looks like a teen model. She looks great, even in a swimsuit. Indeed, she does a bit of actual modeling. However, after seeing her at all the angles on every inch in point blank, she isn't the most beautiful woman that I have sex with after all. Still, I have to pay her just the same.

That's why after a close call on the freeway, I didn't call her but browse the classifieds instead. Over the years, picking the right girl basing on just pictures, often faceless, become 2nd nature.

I was surprised when she opened the door. Her body is above the average of the 19-year-old flawless category. She looks better than her pictures but that didn't surprise me. She is pretty and cute at the same time. That doesn't surprise me; you get that once a blue moon. She looks a tiny bit familiar but if I paid her before I could not have forgotten this pretty face. It was a surreal feeling but the moment passed.

More surprisingly, she is not a candy girl. She is not just an eye candy who doesn't do much. Girls this pretty don't really need to do much to get all the money. Men are easy.

When I was sitting naked on the bed, she stood between my legs, letting me undress her undies, grope her, rub her, and she sat on my lap for some breastfeeding. She DFK me without prompting, repeatedly. She doesn't know deep throating but rams her throat on my cock, gently.

More, when the DFK was too intense, she would just stick her tongue into my mouth, the whole of it. That wasn't enough for me; I almost suck the whole thing out.

When I was putting my clothes on, I recognized her makeup palette. I asked her if she knows Margaret, thinking that she may be her cousin learning from her and inheriting her tool of the trade.

"No," she said, "I'm Margaret."

I didn't accept it for a second but there is no other explanation. They have the same awkward taste of music, same body, same makeup tools. I just couldn't recognize her because her makeup was totally different. And I was absolutely right, I met her before. She decided not to lose me again.
Odd enough, her body looked exactly the same.

Now I have a big problem. My bank account is dwindling too largely because of Cara. I can't keep both of them. One has to be disappointed sooner or later, despite their efforts. Luckily Cara didn't turn up lately because of the change in advertising laws and more likely because of dwindling interest and the lack of willingness to pay her higher fee. And I have very good reasons not to visit her; the traffic is terrible and I can be late for half an hour easily. We don't want that.

So I have been seeing Margaret, just because she meets all my needs while more affordable than Cara. When I rediscovered her again, she had the naked look, which surprised me; what's the last time that I picked a girl hastily for a half hour fling only to meet such a beautiful girl? When I saw her again she reverted to the fancy Jenner look with fancy tapes and eyelashes that originated from Asia. Odd enough, I thought she was slightly fuller than a couple of years ago. But she looks the same as before when I see her the next time. Rightfully, her classified stated that she is 19 again.
Kali has the classic big beautiful eyes that you don't notice at first, unlike exotic models with eyes like a laser. But when you get closer, you know her eyes kill and her double eyelid is what Asian girls will die for. I don't know if her's are real but that's the most popular procedure for Asian girls. She is still beautiful without makeup and will show off and stare at me nose to nose when ordering me to do something that I don't really want. But she knows that she is a devasting beauty, carefully avoiding anything that could be accused of unethical.

Since I saw Margaret can do the naked look well, I view her fancy makeup in a new light. I don't think she is hiding some flaws. She is transforming into a different person who sells sex, and the makeup helps. You wouldn't recognize her when her makeup is different. And I very much appreciate that she takes the time to do all the fancy stuff. Yes, it's not just for me. But since I'm her loyal client I always get the first appointment of the day if I can make it. Maybe Kali is prettier but Margaret is cuter.

Kali is Asian with straight black hair down her shoulder blades. She has all her boyfriend's money to make it very stylish and voluminous, yet you don't notice the difference a few steps back. Margaret is Latina but she also has back length black hair, so straight and fine that it looks longer. Her hair looks shiny and well maintained but she just uses an ordinary shampoo.
Kali has a pair of a medium sized perfect breast for an Asian, so perfect that I couldn't tell if those were real. I still couldn't tell when she left me.
Margaret has the essential schoolgirl breasts, B cup at most, responsive nipples. I have been so fond of them that I think she hated it when we first met. I kept squeezing them when she blew me and she tried to duck out of it.

Kali has delicate skin, can be ghost-white at times probably because of her quarter white heritage. She looks 100% Asian though. As for the body, Margaret wins outright. She is taller, has longer legs, same narrow waist but bigger butt. But Kali isn't bad at all. She always kills when she walks in with her heels and dress. She wasn't trying to impress me. Her boyfriend just gives her a credit card for everything. It's a long story. I'm the cash ATM for her. But the fee I paid can't buy one of her heels.

Margaret's performance doesn't seem to be consistent. I don't fault her; perhaps she is a real person with a real personality and issues. One day she seemed to be ready to get married but another day she seemed to be a little distance, though still eager to please. There's a little bit of a problem. When I want to go epic and be gone with the wind, it may end up in a rom-com with a pretty woman.

She seems to be realizing it. The last time I saw her, she was waiting for me in the fresh cozy comforter when I came out of the bathroom. I went in and cuddle her like a Barbie doll until she wanted to kiss me, DFK actually. That was the perfect setting. Even better, she didn't refuse any tongue fight challenge. And again I sucked her whole tongue out and then some.
I told her to get a ride to warm up before I rough her up in her pussy. The best way to do it is the doggy. I know she isn't comfortable with DATO but she showed her lovely asshole when I was pounding her hard. I pressed my thumb on her starfish as hard as the astronauts sealing the oxygen leak in the space station as if my life was depending on it. I could imagine her screaming for joy but trying very hard not to disturb the neighbors.

I always want to finish doing two of my favorite things at once, kissing and sex. Philosophically, it's a complete cycle of fluid exchange. But once a while, you can feel the subtle reluctance and hesitation in her. I wouldn't go there if I sensed any of that. But not today. She has no hesitation.
When I was done I held her like a Barbie doll in the cozy comforter. I always spend a long time with her, totally worth it. When it was about time, I gave her a little kiss and rolled out of the bed on the other side. That's when I noticed a burning candle on the nightstand. It was there all along. Silly me. Maybe I was so focused on her nipples.

It dawned on me that she's the one. I gave up long ago on searching for a Kali replacement. Margaret is superior in most departments even though she doesn't have the killer eyes and killer heels. Kali could cause me a DUI if she allows me to overdose on her kisses that day. I don't have the same feeling with Margaret yet but she actually offers more. I just need to take more out of her. If only she could stop moving a little to the beat of her music when I was cuddling her.

On the way back, I blasted myself with Hello, both versions. At the lights I had to turn down the volume; I am ashamed of my music choice.
The major problem is, I'm not looking for a long-term relationship. Maybe I should talk to my bank manager.