They say the Internet would have eliminated dictatorship, but it only made me cry. The last time I cried was at the funeral of my uncle when I was a tiny kid. Our family wasn't close but they lived in an apartment several storeys above us. He is also my first school Principle. He has like 5 kids so we weren't close at all but I felt a personal connection. But mainly it was the funeral music.

OK, maybe I cried more than I remembered because of kid stuff. But I didn't remember I was so sad that I had to cry. Once when I was small I cried because my mother offered a closer sleeping place to her to my little brother at grandma's house. I remembered grandma told me not to cry. It was maybe the last time I saw her alive.

The Internet is trouble when you can stream any music or anything ever existed at any time anywhere. In the golden age of TV, if you missed the last episode of the final season due to exams after following the series for years,  that's that and you have a hole forever in your mind.

Being sentimental, I seldom listen to my favourite old songs. I could have listened to the album for hours while reminiscing what I was doing when the music first came out. That wasn't difficult at all. I was half the globe away from home most of the time without my type of CD's, TV or radio stations.

The Internet is trouble when the hottest idol type singers of my time were dead due to overdose, suicide or cancer. Listening to their songs has different feelings and meanings.

I discovered in a Youtube vintage video that the Bad Guy and the Good Guy actually made up on stage. The GY is a much better singer and he wrote beautiful songs too. But the BG was much more popular and lasted longer. During a BG's concert, he sang a GY's song and praised him night after night until he appeared one night and finished the song together.

Fuck, the song is beautiful but this two hottest idol is about my age if they were not long dead! The GY overdosed probably because people forgot about him and his songs. The BG broke a lot of records for a singer, formally retired, went on to became a movie star and broke more records. He jumped from a hotel window obviously because he didn't save enough of his money and his life was not worth living anymore. I totally understand if he has no kids nor close family members. His fair-weather friends were long gone. Only very rich women wanted to keep him as a trophy, and gay lovers too.

Youtube has a habit of carrying you down the rabbit hole. This time it was a different kind of concert. It was 12 days of retirement concerts for the music godfather, 12 thousand seats each. It was just last year instead of the concerts that I missed decades ago. And he was like 90.

The story goes that godfather started performing in a nightclub many many years ago and went on to own the music scene totally until he retired. Actually, the job lasted about 6 months and then he left for America to study, a feast that no ordinary families can afford. He is the opposite of the King. His pop-country style of music was so dominant that rock and rap remains a tiny fraction. He was in charge of music in the dominant TV station in the golden age of TV. He composed every TV theme song, which sold much more than others. And I am always surprised how many other songs he composed for record labels and movie.

Retirement at 90? I would think somebody used him to make money. Anyway, most of his star singers were long retired. But those who got invitations could not resist or excuse. They returned from all over the world. Whether your career ended well, there's no excuse not to come and honour this man.

The young idols now came as respectable grandmas and grandpas! For those too old to sing or dead, they were replaced by the new generation of idols, who came with a tint of the style of those they replaced, and sang almost like the original song!

No money was spared making everybody so stylish. Some grandmas still have their angelic voice. Some dudes are still so cool as Mike Jagger. Some come as their very middle-aged self with glamorous suits. I don't remember some singers at all. And I remember some who never made it that big, but one of their songs made it.

What can I say? As time goes by ...

And I was wrong. It was never too old to come. The biggest stars have to be over a 100 hundred by now. But they must have been using a big team of movie special effect makeup artists. These stars looked like they are still in their 40's! And they can still sing as they were.

The biggest impact to me are those new idols whose jobs are to perform some classic songs where the original singers were not there for various reasons. Not only that they sang well, if not better, their interpretation was close to the original including their looks, with a modern twist. The contrast is so big for time has passed.

You have to admit you are old when these kids remembered that they were listening to godfather's songs every day for kids' programs and then every evening with the whole family during dinner and after. Now they are so grown up and so gorgeous. So many memories.

A young boy started singing one of the Good Guy's greatest hits. I don't even know godfather composed it. There's no resemblance in the face, hair or outfit, but you can easily imagine the same young boy singing the same song. It was an extremely motivational song, about reaching for the sky. Fuck, he wasn't even my favourite idol. His ending was so sad, so forgettable. My aim was so high. I went through so many ups and downs. I still have so many people and things to take care, to struggle through. The song was so good, so familiar and gave me so much spirit, at the same time I cannot forget that the singer died a forgettable, miserable death. Fuck, I cannot suppress my burst out crying.

I think it was like the singer / composer who went to listen to Vincent. But she wrote a song for that. I just cried.

Being a lot more popular, more than one idol sang the Bad Guy's songs, and they all pick my favourite. Not the hit song he started his fame, though I had fond memories singing with my girlfriend parting at the airport. Not the hit he wrote for his own retirement, a tribute to the song that made him famous. It was the theme song of the first movie of the trilogy he was the lead actor. That movie is legendary. It was about childhood friends who sacrificed themselves heroically shoulder to shoulder for a better tomorrow.

I tried to sing along but my voice cracked and my throat blocked. I was too emotional to carry on.

Although I have few childhood friends or any friends left. It brought back memories. Perhaps it was the memory that I actually missed the legendary movie when I was far far away from home when everybody I know watched. It was the treasured things I missed in my life.

Barbara

Her old man must be so happy when Barbara went home and gave him and her brother the latest iPhone.

But I'm sure he will still be turning in his grave if he knows how Barbara got her money. I'm so sad for him but luckily he wouldn't know.

You can tell Barbara grew up in a struggling family. She didn't have perfect teeth and her hair is in a mess to this day. She didn't go to college, probably none of her siblings do. In a way, she is neglected. She didn't have a boyfriend until 18 because "nobody wants me". I can understand because her face, her hair, and how she carries herself are all not to be proud of.

Her old man must be so proud and happy. Now Barbara comes of age, spread her own wings, survived in LA, and even have spare money for expensive gifts. If he only knows. Am I the only one who carried the world's sorrow from ancient times to present?

But then again Barbara told me to live a little. She had enough growing up and now she is happy. She didn't turn into a swan but her body is like a sex doll. She is experimenting all sorts of kinky things. She has a sugar daddy who wants to be more like her boyfriend. She has regulars for massage and S&M. And in between sugar daddies, she came out to play escort.

I seldom went for that, but her natural tits look great on screen. So I went up to take a look, preparing to quit if she looks awful. To my surprise, she looked like a ragged doll because of her hair. I was relieved that she was my type and couldn't stop myself putting on a great smiled, as I usually do. Not being totally confident of herself, she thinks I may be laughing at her for something, probably her hair. I wasn't. I was totally happy with her, her ragged doll look, great tits, and even her strange behavior of never taking off her ankle socks.

She is not the model type, maybe a little Baywatch. She isn't beautiful. But she is so sweet and did I say that she looks exactly like a clueless schoolgirl? And she is one of the rare younger girls who allow you to record videos. Wow, anything to immortalize yourself digitally will not be expensive!

Well, the total package is expensive and I won't jump into it if it was not her. She won the audition when I met her first time, even though she didn't do much. We didn't even kiss. But her tits are really great, and her waist is really narrow. She has a gorgeous bottom. Not model legs but totally lickable. Her skin is smooth and you can feel the very fine short almost invisible body hair all over.

She delivered everything I asked for and more. I got it all on video. I got horny whenever I took out my phone and watch her in action. So I booked her the next week. I had a plan. She thought I was doing video and she was all prepared, lipsticks and glamorous bikini. But I wasn't. The only reason was that I asked her detailed dress sizes and shoe sizes. Email, calls, PM, text, nothing usually works. I missed several chances and I wasn't letting her slip by.

When I was done, she held my hands and told me a lot of things about herself. She is the 4th working girl I know who is getting a real estate license. I know three of them just before the last bubble. Should I write a paper for the Nobel price or should I make a bet for the next bubble?

At the end, she wiped off her lipsticks on my face and I did the same to her. I got it from her lips and her face got it from my lips.

Usually, I get the whole schoolgirl outfit in a package.  This time they couldn't deliver it on time. So I ordered separately. Other than the skirt, the rest are the real thing, not from sex shops. Often you will be disappointed when the girl put your gift on. It's all your fantasy but it's them who have to fit.

Barbara is amazing in the outfit. I couldn't have been more right. So I did some pervert things on her that I wouldn't do to any other schoolgirl. And got it all on video.

As for her, she just likes the outfit too much and she didn't want to take it off.  My plan was to take it back, do the laundry, and bring it back when I feel the need to. And take more pervert videos. She promised she would bring the outfit back. But it wasn't practical as there are 7 pieces, top, skirt, panties, a pair of socks and a pair of shoes. Anyway, I let her keep it. I can get some more but I can't any better than this outfit. I should be a consultant.

But I also have a plan. I took care to do the laundry first so there isn't any odor left on the new clothes. After she wore them, the only odor will be hers, enough for me to sniff for a while, while watching her videos. It had to be next time.

BTW there is a non-US documentary about pedophile on Amazon or Netflix. I would say it's trying to justify sex with teens with a different name for that. They even show off pretty pretty teens to prove the point. Whatever the motive, I got the message that whatever you find sexy stays with you. And that I agree. 

PIcked up by a woman

When I was changing diapers, I told myself, "there go my next 18 years of life". I didn't see how I find a way out to become a happy single man again, but in m silly mind I had hope when my babies all have grown up on their own, I may have my life back again.

That was not silly at all. Finally, I gave up my classic car, the only remaining symbol of the part of my life that was long gone. My main commute has a much smaller gas tank, and the refill warning was much too tame compared to the seat belt warning. I ran out of gas in a drive-by area. I was so lucky I drove off the freeway just in time to park the car off the road.

There was a gas station there according to Google Map but it was long gone. So I walked 20 min, brought the last 2 gal gas tank, finally filled it after rejection by the pump because they have no chip reader. Actually, few gas stations have chip readers. So you can imagine how the credit card fault detection unit treat the area.

Then I marched back along the traffic, hoping someone with a rotten pickup truck will pick me up; I was so obvious. But then again I wouldn't pick up a stranger no matter what. There is the roadside assistance for that if he can wait.

Then I noticed that a huge SUV/VAN was coming up the driveway and the woman was watching me. She was about the age of Chris Jenner but without the sex appeal. Of all people, she stopped and offered me a ride. She was even prepared to drive to the gas station to fill my tank. But I already have done that. I was on my way back to my car.

I think she thought that I was local, waked up one evening and found that the leaking truck was out of gas. Then I picked up a plastic tank and walked to the gas station to get some. Being a drive-by area, there were huge mansions and junkyards. Such as lovely place.

The ride lasted a minute or two, for I was almost there without knowing it. I asked her to drop me off right there but she parked properly and spotted my car for me. I sincerely thanked her and went our separate ways.

Seriously, would you pick me up? I don't think she wanted to have sex with me but the sex appeal cannot be denied, lol. I don't think she's trying to help fellow senior citizens; she was treating me like a young man, who is probably the around the same age as her.

The other day, on a dark desert highway, I had a little time left and stopped by to have a quickie to ease my frustration. Nowadays there is a fake picture epidemic. The Russians do it. The Chinese, Koreans do it. Everybody is doing it. We are back to square one despite the internet. I asked for girl A before, when the agent gave me girl B. This time I asked for girl B but was surprised to find girl C . C was nothing like B, who is more delicate. I told C I was looking for another girl and began to turn back to the door. It was then I noticed that C's face is decently put together. She should be considered pretty with little makeup on. She isn't model material but looks great in a bikini. Honestly, I don't mind little thicker legs and bigger butts.

I was so glad I stayed. In no time we were like starting an affair having sex the first time. She wasn't some MILF, but only in her twenties tops. I was vacuuming her and pounding her as soon as we undressed. I swear I worked hard a long time before I came. But she wouldn't let me go. With strong arms around my waist, she fucked me in the missionary position when I was on top doing nothing. I was still hard for a little while after I came. But when I became soft, she stopped fucking me and her whole body language said, "frustration". She wasn't hiding any frustration, like a kid who dropped her lollipop. She even asked me to go again. Even though I couldn't, she still complimented my size. This was our moment, our past, and we have no future. We both know that she was on a short visit. That didn't stop me from asking her name and she gave me one.

And some years back I took my kid to school with 3 teachers fighting for me - one cute headmaster, one teacher helper and one very young substitute teacher, who was most aggressive. The last time I saw her she was holding my kid's hand alone in the parking lot waiting for me. I can only guess they don't want to work their ass off there, but instead want to turn into suburban housewives like most women around them.

And then there was the very stylish Target manager. She was a bit subtle. But honestly, in the slow evenings, I saw her walking around the checkouts enough times that I figured out she was the manager without any other clues? The supermarket manager is less subtle. She tried to chat me up from time to time. Well, she is a bit supermarket but I am not picky.

The moral of the story is, have kids in your 20's, and when they can stand firmly on their own, you still can have a great single life, or a super-secret life like me, lol.