Saturday, December 31, 2016

Never dance again

My sad goodbye with Chanel calls to mind one of the scenes straight out of the silver screen. I had no idea yet but somehow I could see her back walking slowing across the long outdoor corridor. In hindsight, she walked so slowly as if she was in deep thought, had a heavy heart, or as if she was hiding that she had just been raped. She must have made up her mind at that point.

Maybe I was looking out of the window or the peephole of the hotel room on the ground floor. Being in a theme park, the architecture was somewhat unique, allowing me to see only her back while she walked out. I had no idea why I was looking. Usually, she left first for whatever reasons, the main one being not offering her time for free. I would stay behind to rest, savour the expensive moments in the past hour, trying to get a little more out of the room booked for one night.

I did know she might be retiring or abandoning me because she treated me badly on a pre-booked lunch date by not caring about my feelings. She didn't try to make up to me or diffuse the situation. I wasn't hopeful when I asked her out again but she was eager as usual. After the deed, she even took the time to take up the Lolita post, dangling her feet up in the air totally naked, looking at me all smiling and seductive. I hated her for that sort of behaviour in a good way. It would have been perfect foreplay if she didn't wait after sex. It was all about enticing me to come back next time for more, all about money.

Seeing that she was her old self once again without the threat of retiring, I began to show my displeasure and she understood. Now that she is gone, what I did was so wrong, so wrong. I could have written off that lunch date as a total lost, forgot all about it and I might have seen her again.

I got over her many times but time can never mend; I still miss her. I deep kissed Kendall so many times but not until the #43, or was it the #78, that I felt the earth moving. When we were taking our breath during the interlude, I had to whisper, "Wooow, what's that?" She gave me the sweetest smile and we continued. It was subtle but her mood, her smile, her embrace was different, enough to shake the ground.

With Chanel, we had a much longer history.  I still remember seeing her on and off for months until she gave me the mint and started kissing me on the next date. It went deeper and deeper until I lost consciousness from time to time. It was that good. But to her maybe it was just caressing my back that did the trick every time. Imagine that Kendall Jenner is your type and when you put some hotties shoulder to shoulder with her, you feel that there is no comparison. For me it's Chanel. I still haven't found a replacement. Kendall had potential but we were as good as splitting up due to irreconcilable differences. Chanel II is also close, but I hate to start something when the timing is all bad.

I should've known better than to get even with a paid girlfriend and wasted the chance that I've been given for happiness. So I'm never gonna kiss again the way I kissed with Chanel, probably.

To the hearts and minds of players, ignorance is kind and there's no comfort in the truth;
pain is all you'll find.

Now that the ball had dropped but here we are still at the last hours of 2016. What a year this is! Many more people had the feelings that I had when the idols of your own generation dropped like flies. Though mine didn't drop within a year. But during sparking moments of your life, epic music can't just be erased from your heart. Prince, Bowie and now Michael!

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