Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Why I cheat?

If you are thinking of putting one of these in your kitchen, your SO may be cheating. If you refused to put in a proper fire extinguisher in your kitchen before, your SO is probably cheating.

What makes a successful cheater? He who nobody ever thinks will cheat in a million years. Such as the massage therapist who told me that I don' t need a massage (with extra) because I was too thin (attractive).

There are narrow windows that I will fix or replace anything in the house. When I had to replace the old fire alarms, I picked up a few of the smallest fire extinguishers available in one scoop.

Everybody knows how fire extinguishers should be mounted, right? There are proper examples everywhere. It have to be easy to spot, even for strangers in your house. It have to be fixed so you are trained where it is. It have to be easy to reach. The full/empty indicator has to be highly visible.

But my dear wife wouldn't let me mount, any fire extinguisher that is. So I put them in less high profile places such as top of the fridge, and the corners at the upstairs corridor. But she hid them in the cabinets. Why would anybody buy fire alarms then? Because they are small enough? Why insurance? Because they are just a piece of paper?

You know my 2nd favorite dish is raw steak on intense heat. Our BBQ is right outside of the house with a gas connection. One day the intense heat caught up with the accumulated grease and set the whole BBQ on fire. It was a matter of life or death, for the BBQ. It was between a minor clean up or to replace the whole BBQ. It was between a slightly darkened exterior wall, or possible gas explosion.

I wasn't panicking. I was well trained. My dormates are the sort who like to use chip pans to fry chips, and forget all about it. There weren't enough extinguishers to go around, as they were the number one party toys. Once I calmly put out a big fire on the electric stove with a fire blanket, which was totaled. A short stay visitor saw all that and was alarmed by my calmness, as if that happened everyday. I wondered if he cut shot his stay.

So I went through all the kitchen cabinets to hunt for the extinguisher. I went high and low, left to right, then all over again. That thing was no where to be seen. My wife was standing still and couldn't help at all. At last she was quite certain that the extinguisher was under the sink where it should be. So I concentrated my efforts and found it. It was there all along, just that it went hiding deeper and deeper into the cabinet as time went by.

When I got the replacement extinguisher, I could have mounted it anywhere I wanted. She learned a very simple lesson the very hard way.

Storm in a tea cup? Absolutely not. Every piece of thing at home reminded me of a losing battle. I don't like staying at home at all.

She was no typical stay at home mom. She stayed at home even when there was only the dog, LOL. But she was an, say, English major, at a prestigious university, though it isn't world prestigious. And she has more degrees and titles than me, long story. One of my fantasies isn't n-way, gang bang, double penetration, but giving a highly educated, preferably English major from a world famous university, a good thorough spanking.

Oh yes, I think I'm going to write The Player and The Wife series, modeled behind The Courtesan & The Wife. But certainly it won't end with only 7 entries. It could be forever, but I'll restrain myself.

I don't think it's only my wife. This Home Hero serious of product is going to be sold in Home Depot, one of the top hardware / home improvement stores all over US. It's alarming. It's not form with function. It's cheap cut down function in pretty disguise. The smaller and slimmer it is, the smaller the fire you can put out. The critically flaw is that the full/empty indicator is at the back of the extinguisher together with a lot of words, instructions, warnings, the usuals. Those who buy this will certainly place the back of the extinguisher against the wall, as in the picture. My wife would never, and I certainly wouldn't, check the pressure indicator regularly. The indicator should be in front, elementary. There's no mounting hardware by default - too bad. It will certainly go hiding as mine did. It's not red. It's white and blend in with your kitchen. Your new baby sitter wouldn't be able to find it. Amen.

If you are going to get one of these instead of, or to replace, a slightly bigger red one, you have been warned. Don't be surprised if your SO cheats down the road - I told you so.


The English Courtesan said...

'One of my fantasies is...giving a highly educated, preferably English major from a world famous university, a good thorough spanking'.

Really, LA Player? We must have a little chat about that as I think I know a lady that might fit the bill! :-)

Livvy xxx

P.S. Loved the post and I quite agree that domestic discord is a recipe for infidelity but what is an SO?

The Player said...

Hmmm, I think I know that lady too ;) But if I'm wrong, I can always use both hands simultaneously for the class reunion. A little chat first is good, as long as you don't bill me extra!

SO stands for significant other, which include serious girl/boy friends to spouses, and somewhere in between. Many couples in states such as CA are not married.