Monday, June 19, 2006

Secret compartments

I deal with complexity daily. The natural way is to organize everything in a hierarchy of compartments, just like folders in computers. My secret life is just one of the compartments, although the most interesting one.

My secret compartments are hidden in a way such that no two or more compartments can be breached at once. It's something like a boat or a submarine - you cannot sink the whole ship by breaching only one compartment. You do not put everything in one place, even if it's a safe. Someone can simply steal the keys.

Clandestine Call Girl put it nicely, as time goes by, dealing with secrets became second nature. I have a secret PO box. The fee is due yearly after my birthday. So I will not forget about it. If I do, I'm afraid that the post office have to close my box and send the mails to my residence.

Once I lost the key and got a replacement key. Months later I found that lost key still trapped inside the golf ball pocket of my golf pants. That was close. So I brought an engraving kit to erase the post office mark on the keys.

Then there's the secret accounts and secret cash cards. Even the tax return became secret. I'm the most popular tax payer on earth. I maximize the withholding and hence refunds, as a form of money laundering. To hide the tracks I screw up my finances big time to make it complicated. You will have a headache just by thinking about it. I also sign all the signatures, and get electronic signatures enabled if possible.

The problem of tax returns is that you have to keep it for many years. Naturally I do everything online, and keep the returns and records off my computers. I always sign up for paperless bank and credit card statements as soon as they are available.

I don't keep any receipts as a habit, restaurants, ATM, shopping, and even gas stations. Any harmless looking receipt is a big give away - it tells where and when you are, and what you are doing.

I used to have a secret compartment in my office, but not anymore. A self storage facility is great. But for at least $60 a month it's an overkill. A mailbox etc PO box is good too. If you never give the address to anybody, it's a safe storage place. But it's not a lot cheaper. Only some of them have off hour access. A post office box is very cheap. But basically it's a pigeon hole on the other side of the locked doors. Staff can see what's in your box, and you stuff can fall off.

Now I put most of my things in my car. Non-fragrant body wash, so nobody at work knows that I have just taken a bath. Moisturizer that my skin needs, especially if I take 3 baths and showers that day. Exotic bath oils, lubrications, and condoms. Even shower cap. Doing outcall in a hotel, most of the things are unusable for me, and the girls can't bring much with them. If they bring something, it's standard stuff suitable for them, not me.

The shower cap is for a clandestine girl with long hairs. She hated to get her hair wet, even a little. She said wet hair made her look like a call girl. Ramada here cost $70, internet price with advance booking. I hate to pay that price for a shower cap, especially if we meet at short notice paying the rack in rate. If you put the extra money on the escorts instead of on the hotel, you have a lot more choices.

The same girl always take extra 15 minute detour to get a 3 pack condoms form 7/11. She would leave the unused ones behind. Sometimes she would keep them, wrapped in tissues in her handbag, if she knows she is going to use it soon. So I have a habit of keeping what she left behind to save her the trouble of the detour. I may also use a little bit fancy ones of my own if the girls trust me and let me.

Where do I put all these things? Secret compartments in tool box. In the spare tire compartment. Small box held high up in the trunk by strong magnets. In the first aid kit: some bottles are the real thing, others have substituted contents.

In the classic Mission Impossible style: this entry will self destruct in a few weeks.


anewyorkjohn said...

I guess it is easier to be involved with multiple women when you do not have a wife, or a girlfriend, that you are trying to keep out of the loop.

In my case, I have nothing to hide, but I can see your concerns.

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