Saturday, September 15, 2007

Am I a sex addict?

Recently I talked to a guy who keeps doing the same thing, looking for sex on Craig's Lists. After some exchanges, we realized that there was a big misunderstanding. We argued a while for nothing because he thought I was a sex addict like him, and I didn't realized that he was, with little self respect. So I understand that for him it wasn't a matter of looking for the gems in an ocean of spam, but it's compulsive, and CL suits him.

I'm not kidding myself that I'm not. I drink and smoked so I can tell, though it's not so clear cut. I could sit idle and chain smoke myself to almost hard to breath. I wished I could stop but it's very difficult to quit. I quited and therefore I know. Alcohol for me it's self regulating. I fall asleep long before I can get drunk. I don't think about drinking unless I am eating.

Unlike everything else sex is a necessity. Paying for it can be addictive but I can stay away for a while when I feel like it. Like now.

I'm missing her hair, something like this, but a little shorter, so more volume and gravity defying. It's totally impractical for a full time sex worker. She said she only kept a few clients. It's totally impossible to turn up with all those hair for a real job - nobody will take you seriously. She didn't have a real job. Occasionally she would go out in style with the trophy wives type that her boyfriend approves. Or her top patrons called the day before. Often she turns up with her hair recently done good enough for a photo shoot. If she lies low at home for too long, she can be in a mess. But then she would go to the salon just for me, without telling me that.

Color isn't important. It can be like this. But I love this for the after sex wild look. Before that I prefer the out of salon look.

Other than hair I am missing a hauntingly beautiful face to look at. This is a girl I met last year on a long trip. I still have fond memories of her. Luckily, I discovered her too late so I managed to see her a total of two times. It's not as addictive as someone else you have been seeing on and off for years.

Well, a pretty face isn't that important. For example, a few times when I had kissed her all over, had her in different positions, but when it came to the doggy position, I couldn't help noticing her nice feet, toes curling slightly with anticipation. Every time I didn't want to disrupt the rhythm of things, or I would have kissed her all over again, starting there.

I wasn't addicted to her that much when she was available. I just couldn't resist to go out to play when anybody calls, since high school, even with a bunch of losers with nowhere to go. Indeed I was actively looking for alternatives, somebody to see when she took me for granted and behaving badly. But good things seldom last for various reasons, they tried, they worked, and they moved on after weeks or months.

Paying for sex isn't mostly about sex. It's sports. It's recreation. It's better than talking to a therapist, I suppose. It's fantasy time with happy ending. It's finding someone to screw after survived the screwing by your boss and the corporation. Sometimes you can be very romantic without worrying that she wants to marry you.

Sometimes you have the feeling that you hate to drop an arm and a leg just to get yourself half satisfied. So what do I do? So I went to remote places where nobody possibly do outcalls. It's physically exhausting so I wouldn't want sex on top of it anyway. All the in-house shut off valves are too old and leak when turned. All eleven of them. I should have replaced them a long time ago but I was too lazy. There are slightly leaking faucets here and there, I'm waiting for the time to replace them altogether rather than fixing them. I never called a plumber again since the last one gave me an estimate of a grand for nothing much. Though he was more than happy to accept the call out charge and left me with a bill of material and the terse instructions to do it.

It's torture working under the sink and behind the toilet bowls. It's much easier the first time around when the kitchen sink and toilet bowls weren't installed, and the pipes were new and perfectly rounded. If that doesn't put you body and soul off sex, I don't know what does.

Also, I am taking on mental and physical challenges on several fronts at the same time. It's trivial pursuits, but it's CAD packages that I never used, sawing hard materials that I never did, experiments that I never bothered. If you are interested in no sex, they are in the geek corner.

4 comments:

Thais said...

A really good related article, I believe:
"Why There's No Such Thing as Sexual Addiction--
And Why It Really Matters" Marty Klein, author of "Sexual Intelligence"
http://sexed.org/archive/article08.html

The Player said...

Agreed, every self admitted sex addict should read. Average adult living in dorms can do it multiple times a day ... where's the addiction?

taylor said...

there's no such thing as a sex addict... people who tell other's they're sex addicts aren't getting any...sex is fun. fun is sex. what more is there to know?!

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