Saturday, July 21, 2007

7 Things About The Player

Dear Livvy, do you know that the tag was to celebrate the date 07/07/07. What took you so long? Ah, it must be the wife series. I do not like to play tag, but for the English Courtesan, who occupies a special place in my blogroll, I will make an exception. Sorry, Chevalier. But it's the same thing when I hinted you to move to Blogger, you went to bed with Caitie Mae instead. The Player has so much in common with Olivia that his things are her things too. (Or, I am just too lazy to think of something else.)

1) The Player is very much a country person. But many of his companions, who have the privilege of traveling in his SUV, will always tune the radio to their favorite stations, and test his premium factory installed sound system to the limit. Gradually, he doesn't bother to change the radio stations back, and find it enjoyable to watch MTV. To his disbelieve, he began to enjoy "music" by the likes of Snoop Dog and Fat Joe!

2) The Player used to have one pet fish. He rescued it from a little bowl that came from the pet shop, from the wrong food, and disease. Eventually it got it's own palm sized aquarium, with private pump, filters, and sunken treasures. The Player was in charge of taking care of it when he took a clandestine trip to Buenos Aires. He brought a feeding machine with timer and tested it carefully for days to his satisfactory. When he came back after a week, it was still alive but hardly moved. It must be the surplus fish food contaminating the water. Then it died. The Player gave it a proper burial while fixing a sprinkler, which doubles as the grave stone if anybody ask for it. He forgave himself as fishes have no pussies.

3) The Player does not dance. His schoolmates were all of the same sex. They never invited him to parties with girls where he would get all the attentions. He just can't move a beat but no one believes him. He disappointed so many girls and women the world over. The Player likes to sit and watch. Often polite invitations become tug of war become anti-climax of the evening.

Did they teach ‘la mona gringa’ servicio completo?

4) The Player likes speed. With his first car he played the English Drift, a much earlier version of the Tokyo Drift, on a winding country road on his way to work. One day he drifted into the oncoming lane uncontrollably, scared the shit out of a fellow driver, bulldozed a lot of bushes to create a new lane in his name, and totally written off the car. Thanks to the gradual deceleration, he didn't lose one hair, but he swore he won't be seen dead in such shameful cars ever again. When a motorway was completed there, he woke up himself totally every morning by driving his luxury car at 100 mph for at least a couple of minutes. He still does that occasionally on toll roads. But he only speeds on straight stretch of roads. Indeed he had trouble cornering ever since the new lane was created. Once he collected enough points and was forced to take the daily train to work, 180 days of it.

5) The Player like steak. Now along with 60 millions of people who were at the wrong place at the wrong time are not allowed to donate blood in his current country of residence.

6) In his starving student days, The Player once rented a tiny room from a young landlady, who was barely old enough to get money out of her trust fund to buy a new studio flat. Her divorced parents must had long given up on taming her. On the first day, the landlady introduced him to her boyfriend, an electrician or plumber, fixed the Player up with her pretty young friends on the dole, and played board games. The hostess then handed the Player a joint that he couldn't refuse. He thought that's why he got the room - he didn't look like the kind of person who would bother about slightly illegal substances. But he didn't really want to pick up one more thing. He had hardly enough money to pay for his chain smoking at tough times.

The relationship didn't last long, a little more than a season, or a few boyfriends, carpenter, carpet layer, etc, depending on what she needed at the time. The problem was that the Player didn't know that she fancied him, even though she was totally his type. He had Tony Blair's rock star hair style at the same age, only to save a few quid. Pathetic. He tried hard to please the landlady by reducing energy use. Whenever the Player took a hot bath, the landlady would frown on him, even though that was the only bath he took in a week. Sex wasn't on his mind, though he heard bonking noises almost every day from the main bedroom. She offered to cook him dinner, but he turned her down flat, thinking that was welcome dinner with one of her boyfriends. In bikini, she waited for him to come home, asked him to help with her tummy ache. It was too subtle for the Player that he didn't know what to do. Seeing that she didn't look to be in trouble at all, he went back into his tiny room to study. She must had hated him for that.

7) The first camping trip of the Player was to a grave yard of the worst kind. The pre-teen Player could see "coffins" above ground level inside fairly open "tombs", where the corpse rotted. The big boys located the open space on the map without knowing what the neighbors were. He wasn't bother by the supernatural ever since. Also, in his statistical view, the probability that a person encounters the supernatural, which alters his life in some way, is negligible. The most appropriate strategy is to ignore it, exist or not. The Player is an ostrich when it comes to ghosts.

I'm tagging:

The Call Girl Next Door
A Clandestine Call Girl
Melissa Moon
On her mind
The Academic Hooker
The Way of the Hetaira

Help the Player to tell them if you bump into them ;-)


Anonymous said...

Ok LAP, was this planned, that you chose blogs that are now closed? ;-) If so, well done.


The Player said...

I miss them and I want them back. (I'm sure most of them are not tagged already.)

The English Courtesan said...

Oh Young Master Player, what an utterly fabuluous list this is! I am beaming with delight at the thought of my special postition in your it were... ;-)

Yes, yes, I know, I'm fashionably late again but there might have been a reader mutiny had I not finished the Wife's Tale first. Of course it's not quite finished yet but... :-) Cue for an irritating smirk!

We do have a most amusing amount in common on all fronts, so I'm whooping with glee at your list. The fish tale is in fact even more similar than you think - my fish were fostered when I moved abroad so I share your abandonment guilt. Camping in graveyards and steak are not on Livvy's List but perhaps it's healthy for boys to have their Own Interests. Incidentally I don't quite follow what eating steak has to do with giving blood - I do hope you haven't got mad cow disease!

By the way, does the 'his things are her things' thing mean I can play with absolutely ANY of your toys or are there restrictions?

Livvy xxx

P.S. Oh yes, servicio completo is la mona gringa's speciality.. ;-)

The Player said...

Livvy, you are right. Even if you declare yourself a vegetarian, you have to defer giving blood indefinitely at least in US, Australia and Japan. It started as any 6 month stay in UK from 1980 to 1996. The last time I checked, it's 3 month in UK and 6 month in Europe!

I am very picky about the cut, but with my very limited budget and limited use of the kitchen, my consumption was minor.

Of course you can share ANY of my things completo (but not in terms of ownership). You can turn the knobs, shift the gears, anyway you like, as long as I can play with your habit and veil and ...

Anonymous said...

"Sorry, Chevalier. But it's the same thing when I hinted you to move to Blogger, you went to bed with Caitie Mae instead."

Maybe you shouldn't have hinted... I didn't. BTW, in bed with me is said to be a pretty nice place...

Anonymous said...

Yes, you are right about missing those blogs. Loved reading your list


The Player said...

Caitie Mae, I checked. That's whispering, after physical intimacy. No way to compete against.

Alexa, thanks, but I hope you mean my 7 things, not just the abandoned blogs.

Anonymous said...

Yep, I meant your 7 things. :-)))